Is it possible to be friends with someone of the opposite sex and have no other thoughts or motives about that relationship?? Is it possible for men and women to be ?just friends??
I think it?s possible, but only on one side.? In other words, a man and woman can be ?just friends? but it is viewed as ?just friends? by only one of the two people.?? The other person will possibly have motives or secret desires or thoughts of ?maybe sometime in the future when the time is right.?? Sometimes both of them are aware of it and both view the other person as a potential backup.
I?m not saying that the friendship between the two parties doesn?t exist, because it does.? I?m only saying that usually either one or both of the parties will? have thoughts that sometimes extend past friendship.? These thoughts may never be voiced, especially if the other party has a significant other.?? A guy who is friends with a girl who has a boyfriend, may not want to eliminate himself completely from the girl?s life, but not necessarily be ready to speak up about his feelings.?? A girl who is friends with a guy who has a significant other may also not want to eliminate herself from the equation and may try to develop a connection with both the guy and his girlfriend so as to say in the picture.?? In both of these scenarios, someone is waiting on the sidelines for the relationship to fall apart.? Nothing like having someone send good energy your way.
These ?friendships? are a slippery slope.?? When someone has something going on in their life that makes them feel vulnerable, they are likely to lean on friends and the friends will naturally start to feel protective.? The best relationships are built on friendship right?? Need I say more?
If people are working towards a common goal, feelings can develop.? These feelings may or may not last (usually they do not) after the goal has been reached and the fight is over.? This is one of the reasons that workplace romances are so common, and why people should avoid them.? Once the fun is over,? unless you are ready to switch jobs, you will have to see that person every single day.? Worse, if one person still has feelings but the other does not, things can get messy.? Seeds can be planted (no pun intended).?? Once one person develops feelings, it?s all to easy to plant negative thought patterns in the other persons mind that sway them to believe that their relationship is full of reasons to break up.
Sometimes friendships develop under the disguise of ?being safe.???? You have 2 coworkers who both are in relationships.? They can make their significant others feel ok about the friendship because ?he or she is in a relationship??but really what is happening here is that the 2 coworkers are in a situation where they can develop bonds and no one will suspect anything (at least at first.)
So if you are a guy, should you be ok with your girl having platonic guy friends?? Think about it.?? If you are a girl do you think your guy really has girls that are ?just friends??
If your significant other insists on having their ?just friends??I?d say that they are putting themsevles first. ? While you are putting all of your eggs in one basket, they are stocking the proverbial relationship vault so that they can enjoy it on a rainy day.??? If you have a partner like this, put some serious thought into the dynamics of the relationship.? They are keeping the door open.?? It may be time to stop wondering IF you should break up and focus on HOW to break up.
? 2012 Channing P. Doyle
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